in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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