I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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