I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
