How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
