If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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