Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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