I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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