i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
