yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
