I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
