Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
