so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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