Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My penis needs a shock collar
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
