he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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