i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize