I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
