I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
