you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
