As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
