that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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