I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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