maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
