who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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