i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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