Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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