I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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