I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
