Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
