I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
