glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
