i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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