You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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