just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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