She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Vodka?
Forever.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
