im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
