What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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