What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
