swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
