So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
