why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
