careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
