is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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