if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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