Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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