I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it hurts more in the daytime
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
