yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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