My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
