i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
