There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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