my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Green mimosas i think yes
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
