you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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