if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
