Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
