The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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