1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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