Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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