so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
