Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I DEMAND FORESKIN
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
