im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When are your genitals available?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
