It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
