What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
