I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
