My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
