I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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