I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
