Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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