:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
