She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize