Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
