omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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