Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
