There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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