you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize