I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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