i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
