My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just high enough for therapy.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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