I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
