my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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