Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
