Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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