I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
