You can't special order awesome
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
