i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
